and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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