The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
