I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
