WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
