Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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