I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
