"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
