Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
