**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I want to have your abortion
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
