Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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