I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
