I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
