And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
