me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
