yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
you had me at cake vodka
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
