PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
