u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
