i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
