worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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