I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
