When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
zippers are such a cool invention
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Randomize
