my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
