i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
