he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
