If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
