So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
