She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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