The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
