I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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