Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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