Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
