Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize