dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
