Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
