we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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