have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
