I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Randomize
