we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
