Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
