I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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