I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
