Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
