I wish my penis had an off switch
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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