I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
