I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
