After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We left an ass print on the piano.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
