when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
