I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
