i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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