OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
