Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
