She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
